Approaching the end of my senior year, I'd thought about what I'd say in my speech at our track and field banquet. I wondered how I could sum up four years with so many ups and downs, so many failures and successes. I never considered that the banquet may not happen. I never considered that my spring season may not happen.
This was not the reflection I ever imagined writing.
Being an athlete has been such an integral part of my identity. The track has always been a safe space, an area where I can stow away any emotions or hardships and just focus on my sport. The hurdles have been my constant in a relentlessly changing world. And now, quicker than I'd ever thought possible, it's all gone. The track is locked up.
Everything happened so fast there almost wasn't time to process it. Our first meet got canceled, but we knew it would be easy to find another. Then those started dropping off until finally the NCAA made the decision to suspend all spring sports. My biggest worry about what leg I'd be on the relay quickly grew into something bigger.
We were ramping up to have a great outdoor season. The most difficult part is not seeing everyone's hard work come to fruition. We put in the work at practice, outside of practice, and dedicated most of our time to this sport. Some of us didn't get to compete in our primary event in indoor. Everyone had so much potential and had been doing all the right things, but some things are simply out of control. We did everything to prepare for competition, prevent injuries, perform our best, but there's no plan to deal with an event as unprecedented as a global pandemic.
Sometimes it can feel insensitive to talk about athletics right now. With everything going on, it's such a small part in a much bigger, serious picture. Track is not the only piece of my life being affected, but it's still a piece and it's still worth a conversation. Having graduated winter quarter, it was the only thing left tying me to Seattle University. As quickly as I've lost my sport, I've also lost that connection to my university sooner than I anticipated.
The uncertainty and the unknown are scary. I wonder if I should start job hunting now that there's no track. I wonder if I'll still be able to move to Rome in September as I had planned. I wonder everyday if I'll get the chance to run another hurdle race. I still work out and exercise on my own as if I will, because the alternative is too difficult to process right now.
My personal motto this year was to take advantage of every moment. I didn't want to walk away without knowing I'd given it my all. With this in mind, I can at least recognize that I did appreciate every moment leading up to the cancellations. I only wish there had been more of those moments.
I'm so thankful for my experience at Seattle University and my ability to be a part of the track and field team. I know that I have supportive coaches for life, and my teammates have not only become my best friends, but my family. In the same way that's comforting, it's equally sad.
My heart goes out to each and every athlete at Seattle U and around the country. We can all empathize with each other's pain and it's heartbreaking to see so many teams and individuals not get a chance to compete. It's equally disheartening for all the coaches and staff who have worked alongside us and dedicated their lives to helping us be the best athletes and individuals we could.
To my teammates returning next year, please take advantage of every moment. Even when you're struggling through a seemingly impossible workout, be grateful. Savor the time trials, the repeat 200s, the bench press maxes, because one day they'll be gone. If a race or a throw or a jump doesn't go how you expected, take solace knowing there will be another, and another, until there's not. That day will come and trust me, it's a feeling worse than dreading a hard practice.
To my fellow seniors who had their last season cut short too, thanks for being by my side these past four years. It hasn't been easy, but all of you have motivated me to keep going. Four years ago I never would have dreamed I'd hold four school records, run the third-fastest time in the WAC, or be a WAC Athlete of the Week two different times. I obviously never would've dreamed it would end like this either, but I'm just fortunate to still be healthy and to have graduated.
And to everyone everywhere: flame on.